Archive for the 'More Fun Than a Barrel O' Monkeys' Category
After just having a chat on MSN with a friend I have developed an awesome MSN gag to get your friends. Feel free to use this, but do credit me. I hereby license this MSN gag under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Australia License. Done, my gag, I own it. Boom!
Step 1: The Setup
Start by some casual chat using the █ character to block out some bad language.
You: Hey dude, what’s up?
John Do: Not a lot, just at work.
You: Yeah same, what a █████ huh? I really just can’t be ████ed today.
Step 2: Act Dumb
By now you’ve got them curious and they’re asking questions about why all the language is being censored out.
John Do: Uh dude, why is it censoring all the bad language?
You: What do you mean?
John Do: I keep seeing black boxes where swear words should be?
You: What the ████ are you on about?
John Do: See what I mean?
You: No I don’t, what the ████ are you on about? ████ you’re being weird!
John Do: I swear to god, you’re being censored!
You: ████, really? That’s ████ing weird!
Step 3: Drop the V-Bomb
You’re presumably tech-savvy and smarter than your friend so introduce some virus chat to really get them a bit worked up.
You: Oh god, I’ve heard about this virus. Apparently it blocks all your swearing and forwards itself through MSN. I can see the swear words here, but you’re sure you can’t see them there? ████ ████ity ████ ████ ████ - can you see that?
John Do: No, I can’t, it’s censored.
You: I hope I haven’t given the virus to you, you try swearing.
John Do: Shit - can you see that?
You: No! All I see is black! Oh I’m so sorry for giving you virus!
Note: just copy and paste the black squares, it’s easier.
‘Nuff said. Go forth and wreak havoc.
Today I decided I wanted to do some writing and came up with the following choices of subjects:
- My new Moleskin reporters notepad I am very proud of
- My wonderful girlfriend and her amazing ability to balance work/life
- A news article I read on SMH about a student being tasered by Police
- The new iPhone announcement that the UK will see theirs in November (and my hopes Australia will see theirs soon too)
Instead I got a little surprise this morning that I would like to share with everyone. At 6:00am (I always set the most intrusive alarm times) my phone reminded me of a day, possibly my favorite of the year. It’s Talk Like A Pirate Day!
That’s right kids, it’s that one day of the year when I get to annoy Claire to no end, talking like a pirate. So shiver yer timbers, get ye some booty or walk the plank, because today is the day to end all pirate days!
Gmail, Writely, Orkut invites!
There is a lot of the Google universe that is in beta at the moment and invite only, so here is your chance to land an invite to three of their most popular services! All you have to do is comment to this entry and while I have invites I will continue to send them out. I’d really love a link back or trackback, but it’s not required to earn an invite. Just make sure you enter your name and address properly into the fields and let me know which service you’d like the invite to.
Gmail
Gmail is an experiment in a new kind of webmail, built on the idea that you should never have to delete mail and you should always be able to find the message you want.
Search, don’t sort - Use Google search to find the exact message you want, no matter when it was sent or received.
Don’t throw anything away - Over 2753.868460 megabytes (and counting) of free storage so you’ll never need to delete another message.
Keep it all in context - Each message is grouped with all its replies and displayed as a conversation.
Writely
Writely is an online word processor and more. It allows for collaboration of documents, uploading of many common file formats, e-mail documents into accounts, all in an easy to use interface.
Orkut
Orkut is an online community that connects people through a network of trusted friends. Orkut committed to providing an online meeting place where people can socialize, make new acquaintances and find others who share their interests.
For any Australian Google Calendar users who are nuts about the World Cup, use the link below to get the preliminary match times added to your Google Calendar!
If you do use it, let me know what you think!
Whoa, what a crack of a journal entry! $spot, you rule dude!
Excerpt from ‘heavy’ by $spot:
This man is forty-five years old and he is a five star chef, a five star ‘heavy’ tennis player and instructor, a long time volleyball player, a five star athlete all around, he has lived in Hawaii, California, and many other places[...]
Scenery? Shutter up!
Today I had the pleasure of opportunity to play with a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ30K, one of their latest digital SLR cameras. It tries very hard to bust into a market that is predominantly owned by Canon and Nikon, that market being low to medium range SLR digital cameras. The camera itself didn’t impress me at all and a lot of it really disappointed me, but a few things made me laugh.
The first thing is that it claims to be an SLR (single lens reflex) camera, however it uses an LCD to display the viewing image. The second being some of the more exotic scene modes including; Portrait, Sports, Food, Scenery, Night Scenery, Panning, Night Portrait, Fireworks, Party, Snow, Baby, Soft Skin, Starry Sky, Candle. What the hell is with all of those? Do people honestly take so many photos of candles and “soft skin” that they require their own shot mode? I doubt it.
In honor of their wonderful scene modes, I made up a few of my own. A few that have some practical uses in the real world and people would actually use. Panasonic, if you read this and use my ideas, I don’t ask for much: One… Hundred… Billion… Quabadazillion dollars! Okay, so here goes, Mitch’s scene modes.
Porn mode - Pretty obvious, it enhances the skin, makes dicks look bigger and helps your girlfriend look less like she is faking it. Also has an advanced image stabilizer that adapts to your sexual rhythm and allows you to take better shots.
Perv mode - All the lights outside go off and all sounds deactivate. The Sunglasses (sold separately) use a laser to “paint” the target in order to locate it, the camera does the rest. No more awkward moments on the beach when your aunt asks you if you just photographed her nude!
Bitch mode - You’ve just run into your girlfriend who insists you are still friends and you “just have to get a photo together!” Bitch mode will have her looking like an ugly trollop and have you looking like Don Juan Delanooch! Please note, the camera improves the looks of the person holding the camera, make sure you take a self portrait or you too could have egg ass on your face.
Dick head mode - No, it’s not the male equivalent of the bitch mode. Simply put; your taking a photo of the guy who gate crashed your party, it puts a dick on his head.
Spew mode - While taking photos of vomiting friends at parties, the camera listens for the token “HUUEAAAHHH!” and snaps a shot the instant the carrots fly! No more getting angry because all you got was a set of bleary eyes and a puddle that looks like a dropped pie, catch every spew shot at your next kegger!
Teen shot - Whether your 16 or 17, you are bound to be taking photos of your eyes, tits, bits and pieces, lame shoes, stupid hair, “emo” looks, pasty white boyfriends/girlfriends, angsty drawings, animals that weight less than a kilo, or a billion other things. This setting will make sure that your shots turn out grainy like a webcam shot at a crap resolution and all ready to be uploaded to your latest online “rate me” site.
Cheeseburger Sandwich
Cheeseburger 1 and Cheeseburger 2, originally uploaded by bananasontoast on flickr.com.
Every aussie kid has made a cheeseburger and french fries sandwich, this was my attempt at age 23. There really is nothing like reliving your childhood a little!
Talk Like A Pirate!
It’s been one year since the last time I got to act like a fool and talk like a pirate and I’m hear to do it again. With a Limited Edition Pirate Header™ and a plugin that piratizes (see, I make up words) my site, I’d like to say Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day! I hope everyone remember their rum and their parrot and truly cuts a little crazy on this fine day!
Raffle King, originally uploaded by bananasontoast on flickr.com.
Well I raffled some shite to Fi and I, but unfortunately I lost. No shite for Mitch? Oh noes!
Raffle King is available at Limmy.com, you should check it out if you like to laugh, especially the “play things”!
Well it’s almost the weekend and I haven’t done a barrel o’ monkeys post in a while, so have a laugh on me.
1. I Ate iPod Shuffle from Scott David Herman at erasing.org. Yes it’s true, Apple users are so dumb they need to be warned not to eat their products! *Mitch hides his iPod*
2. Martian ‘planetary parks’ proposed From CNN.com. I guess the scientist wanted to get in before Greenpeace.
3. 4 Kidz from OBJECTIVE. I never mock religion. I believe each person has their right to choose what they do or don’t believe in. But this site just goes way too far. It goes so far that upon showing my friend Jason (who is a strong Christian) it left him as appauled as it did me. Not so much funny as disturbing, but still worth a look.
Oohhhhhhh. (devilish laugh). It’s that time again, baby! It’s Friday Report time!
Well in my last report, I said that this report (and future reports) would be a little hard to write. It’s never easy to find new and interesting stuff, but I have tried my best.
Guinness World Records - Personally I think the best way to view this site, as with any records site, is to look for the “I can’t believe someone is THAT bored that they would do THAT just to get a world record” records. Those ones are hilarious!
Oxymoron List - ‘Nuff said, really. Everyone loves a good oxymoron. Unless you don’t know what an oxymoron is, then you are almost totally dumb.
Create Bands dot Com - This is really cool for those times when you have 5 minutes to kill.
Dancing Bush - Pretty Funny, make ol’ Gee Dubblya dance around like a goose. Always humorous.
Maximum Exposure - Watch real life videos of accidents, stupid stunts, motorcycle jumps, explosions, skateboarding, car crashes, animal bites, rescues, sky dives, police chases, bungee jumps, *INSERT DEEP BREATH SOUND* extreme sports, fights, and more…
Virtual Bubble Wrap - This is especially useful for when you are moving house and your annoying sister/girlfriend won’t stop popping the bubble wrap on you. I know thats a sexist comment, but it really does seem to me that girls like to pop the bubble wrap more than guys.
Lemonade Game - Make your own online lemonade stand and see how much lemonade you can sell. Based on the weather forcast for each day, you decide how much to charge per cup and how much inventory to buy.
Well that’s more than enough to last you all until next Friday. Until then, keep smiling and don’t take life too seriously.
It is disgraceful how long it has been since I’ve written a Friday Report. Today I decided to get back into the barrel of monkeys and find some cool stuff on the net and share it. I spend, at least, a few hours a day surfing the net, so there is really no excuse for me not to post a few interesting sites every week. So without any further ado, I give you; More Fun Than a Barrel O’ Monkeys V4.011…
Rubik’s Online - This page rawks! \m/ Personally I am huge on puzzles, not those crappy ones where you make a picture of a dolphin or something like that, I am talking about real puzzles, like the Rubik’s Cube. If you haven’t got a Rubik’s Cube, go get one!
Kill Frog, wow I’m really new to this one, but the cartoons are really funny. Further exploration of this site is warrented.
How To Write Unmaintainable Code - This is especially relevant to any coders/hackers who read my weblog. This page is absolutely hilarious!
404 Research Lab - This site is full of funny 404 messages from all over the web. Definitely worth a look.
Maddox: The Best Page in the Universe - This guy is truly funny. The website is somewhat a weblog, but it is made up of Maddox just really taking the p**s out of anything he chooses. It is a really funny site, but I have to warn that some people might find him a little offensive. That said; read on!
The Terminator - This web page is very simple. Type in the name of any actor/actress who has been in a feature film and they will be related to Arnold Schwarzenegger by “degrees of separation”. Basically, I sat at the computer for hours and only managed to get 3 degrees of separation. If you get one higher I’d love to know about it.
Megatokyo - This web comic is very similar to Ctrl-Alt-Del which I posted about not so long ago in V3.0 but I think it’s really good. I bought the Kimiko Blanket from Thinkgeek about twelve months ago and it is so nice!
Drew Curtis’ Fark - Go there. ‘Nuff said!
Well that about wraps it up. I think that the next Friday Report will be very hard to write; I have almost tapped all of my favourite sites, so from now on I am really going to have to do some searching. Rock on kiddies! \m/
This weeks Friday Report is going to be a bit of a comic fest. In recent times many friends of mine have pointed me to various online comics and the likes, so I figure why not give the masses (my two regular readers and you, anonymous swine) what they have been asking for. Just a warning; this is a slightly longer than normal entry so I won’t be displaying the entire entry on the main page.
Continue reading ‘More fun then a Barrel o’ Monkeys v3.0′