Tag Archive for 'humor'

How to Escape a Fart

Published
by
Mitch
on June 6, 2008
in More Fun Than a Barrel O' Monkeys
. 3 Comments

Mitch’s MSN Censor Gag

Published
by
Mitch
on April 30, 2008
in More Fun Than a Barrel O' Monkeys
. 0 Comments

After just having a chat on MSN with a friend I have developed an awesome MSN gag to get your friends. Feel free to use this, but do credit me. I hereby license this MSN gag under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Australia License. Done, my gag, I own it. Boom!

Step 1: The Setup
Start by some casual chat using the █ character to block out some bad language.

You: Hey dude, what’s up?
John Do: Not a lot, just at work.
You: Yeah same, what a █████ huh? I really just can’t be ████ed today.

Step 2: Act Dumb
By now you’ve got them curious and they’re asking questions about why all the language is being censored out.

John Do: Uh dude, why is it censoring all the bad language?
You: What do you mean?
John Do: I keep seeing black boxes where swear words should be?
You: What the ████ are you on about?
John Do: See what I mean?
You: No I don’t, what the ████ are you on about? ████ you’re being weird!
John Do: I swear to god, you’re being censored!
You: ████, really? That’s ████ing weird!

Step 3: Drop the V-Bomb
You’re presumably tech-savvy and smarter than your friend so introduce some virus chat to really get them a bit worked up.

You: Oh god, I’ve heard about this virus. Apparently it blocks all your swearing and forwards itself through MSN. I can see the swear words here, but you’re sure you can’t see them there? ████ ████ity ████ ████ ████ - can you see that?
John Do: No, I can’t, it’s censored.
You: I hope I haven’t given the virus to you, you try swearing.
John Do: Shit - can you see that?
You: No! All I see is black! Oh I’m so sorry for giving you virus!

Note: just copy and paste the black squares, it’s easier.

‘Nuff said. Go forth and wreak havoc.

Ten signs that you might be a workaholic

Published
by
Mitch
on April 28, 2008
in Uncategorized
. 3 Comments
  1. Food - you have more essential food groups stashed in your work fridge than your fridge at home. Home fridge: beer, sports drinks and toasties. Work fridge: almost everything except the beer (until Friday that is).
  2. E-mail - you are so bad at checking your personal e-mail that your friends actually have to call and ask if you got their letter. Meanwhile, you have a blackberry and web portals to check your work e-mail from anywhere.
  3. Sundays - they’re kind of like Mondays and you’ve completely given up on having them, why not get just a few hours in the office before you get another 60+ hours of work in.
  4. Sleep - almost completely optional and never allowed to get in the road of getting in to work an hour or two earlier than you should be. Nothing feels better than hitting the office before everyone else.
  5. Colleagues vs Friends - suddenly you notice you have plenty of friends, but 400% more colleagues, ex-colleagues and business partners. But you don’t care, friends don’t make you money.
  6. Networking - you can’t even walk the dog without giving your business card to someone or thinking about who you should be speaking to.
  7. Clothes - you don’t have a single t-shirt at home to wear to the bar, but you have 6 suits and 20+ shirts all pressed in the work closet.
  8. Sunlight - you leave so early for work you only catch first glimpses, you leave so late that it’s beyond dusk. You pretty much have no idea what sunlight is and your Vitamin D comes from artificial sources.
  9. Caffeine - your blood/caffeine levels have been replaced with caffeine blood levels. It’s no longer a pick me up, it’s now your sole lifesource.
  10. Relationships - yes, finally the big one. You know loads of people, but maintain contact through Facebook and MSN. You send more cybercoffees and buy more virtual gifts than real ones and your idea of a date is lifting back the lid on your girlfriend/boyfriends microwave meal.

If you relate to more than just a few of these, your life is potentially as sad as mine.

Note: It has been bought to my attention by my lovely girlfriend Claire that this might seem to paint a picture that perhaps I am a boring bastard who never pays for a meal. Just on the record, I definitely make time in my week to make sure she is adequately spoiled. :-)