Let’s Get Random

I am so sick of not being able to sleep when I want to. I just feel like curling up and snoozing but every day lately it is either too hot or too cold. It’s really annoying me. That and I have fallen in love. Beyonce, if you are reading this; I love your film clips, I love you and I love that ass. Haha, but seriously I am only kidding. Aside from my sleep habits making me a little upset, I am actually pretty happy! 🙂

This is Mitch’s Random time: the time in which I am going to ramble and you are going to read, godammit!

I am sorry to Seinfield-ize this sentence, but what is so funny about watching a guy get hit in the nuts? I don’t find it amusing. I find it horrifying and it reminds me of my last blow to the crotch region. It’s just not nice. But girls love the nut kicking. That’s like their weapon for getting what they want. “You do it or I’ll kick you in the nuts,” they say. I’ve heard that so many times. I always did what they asked too, because I might want to have kids someday. They don’t think though about the ramifications of their actions, it’s not like we go giving then nipple-cripples so that they end up with breast cancer is it?

The funniest thing about women is the whole “understanding women” factor. No guy understands women and the scarier part is that women don’t understand women. How many guys have asked a girl for advice on a girl they like or asked one of their friends why their girlfriend is acting so nuts. Did they have a clue? No they didn’t! You ask your friend “Lisa” about the girl your like “Jenny” and what does she say? “Oh that all depends on blah blah and blah blah blah. They don’t have a flipping clue! And if they don’t understand each other, what hope do guys have of understanding them?

Guys always know what another guy is thinking. A girl once asked me, “my boyfriend is seeming a little like he doesn’t want sex as much”. I said, “Bingo, I know your problem, but your not going to like this! He’s cheating on you!” She was pissed off with me, but when she asked him he admitted to it. Of course, because if he doesn’t want sex from one person or another he must be getting it from somewhere else. Or he could be gay, but you can usually tell that long before the whole “he doesn’t want me” stage comes around.

No matter what a girl asks me about a guy, if they can accept it, I can tell them why. Because guys understand each other. That’s why we have friends since pre-school and girls can’t make a friendship last 4 hours through a sale at Ikea. It’s ridiculous.

Captain Insano once said, “What do you tell your wife with two black eyes? You shouldn’t need to tell her anything, she’s been told twice already!”