Kill Bill? More like Kill Mitch… With Boredom…

Image courtesy of IMDB

Don’t click the continue reading link unless you have seen the movie, it contains spoilers.

Okay, in case the topic doesn’t completely give it away, I just got back from seeing Kill Bill part 2. After watching Kill Bill part 1, and thoroughly enjoying it, I expected great things from Quentin Tarantino’s sequel, but what I got was a cinematic slap in the face. It was like a never-ending James Kirk Captains log. In short, it was utter crap.

Sure, the old saying goes, “when you expect to much from something, expect dissapointment,” or some bullshit like that. But from Quentin Tarantino you can’t help but expect a lot, the man really is a complete genius and from the interviews I have seen from him, he is a damn nice guy.

This is my blow by blow analysis as to why Kill Bill Vol. 1 kicked Vol. 2’s little ass…
Vol 1: It was an action movie, therefor there was action, duh.
Vol 2: Supposedly a sequel to an action movie, but controlled by dialog.

Vol 1: Plot. It had one. It was there and it was easy to see and to understand.
Vol 2: Plot. It had one, but it quite often got lost and confused. It also used the old QT timeline a little too much, in that things became a little blurred.

Vol 1: Plot holes. There were none, everything came together in a tight little package.
Vol 2: “Just watch out for the plot holes Betty! You’ll have to go around!” What the hell? The plot just fell apart. I am sorry, but when Beatrice fights with Elle, where the hell did the snake go? Did it just cease to exist until it made it’s glorious comeback in time to spit at Beatrice? Pfft, gimme a break!

Vol 1: The talking was done well. There was dialog and it was usefull to the plot and fast paced. When watching an action movie, no one wants to listen to them justify everything they do for three quarters of the movie – it’s boring.
Vol 2: Well… I just… Think… That…. The… Dialog… Was too… Slow… And… Never… End….ing… It was an… Utter… Nightmare… To… Listen… To…. James…. Tee…. Kirk…. Could… Not… Have… Done… Better…. Himself…

Whenever getting your hopes up, there is always a risk of disappointment, but I could never have been prepared for this. It’s like waiting all year for Christmas and instead of getting an Xbox you get gold fish – it hurts, right down deep. I haven’t felt this disappointed since I waited for 8 weeks for the Harry Potter book to come out, only to find it was the most awful thing ever written.

All in all, I give Kill Bill Vol. 1: 4 spuds out of 4!


However, I give Kill Bill Vol. 2: A meager 1 spud out of 4, and I am being generous.

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