Happy Fucking Holidays

I am feeling really emo right now. It’s a combination of feeling somewhat lonely and the fact that Christmas is here. I guess I have been feeling this way for a few weeks at least, but I never really admitted it to myself until last night. As I was headed to bed I lit a candle (as I do every night) and some incense and pulled myself into bed and I just realized how much I was longing to have someone to talk to about everything that is happening in my life lately. I know I can talk to my friends, and I do, but we all just have so much shit going on that it is hard to sit and talk about it all. I don’t think I am ready for a full-on relationship right now. Soon maybe, but not at this very moment. I guess it’d just be nice to have someone to talk to.

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, oh how I loathe thee. When I was growing up, we used to spend out Christmas at my grandfathers house. My grandfather was my favorite person in the whole world and was the glue of our family; since he died things have come a little unstuck. I used to spend Christmas with my 30-something cousins, 16 or something uncles and aunties, grandparents and immediate family. It used to be a time of year that I looked forward too, but now there are hardly any of my family left talking. Not only this, but as old age would seem to have it, I am starting to see through Christmas and realizing that it’s not a time to make other people happy, but it’s a time to spend exorbitant amounts of money on people who should be doing the same back to you.

I’m lonely, I’m emo and Christmas has lost it’s meaning. Bummer.