James Blunt Sucks

Now don’t judge this entry before you read it, it’s actually about a very important subject: James Blunt really is the most pathetic artist to ever make a hit. Besides, I haven’t been this blatently horrible since I spoke about Big Brother, so I deserve this rant. How this whingey, whiney, piece of crap ever got signed is beyond me, but the fact that some people seem to think him crying about some kind of lost boyfriend is even more mind boggling.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while but my respect for other peoples musical tastes has held me back I’ve been too busy, however I can stay silent no longer. If this is some April fools joke that is brewing in the back of the mind of some musical talent agent (i.e. “Hahaha, I knew that I could make the world public actually listen to this tool!”), I think it’s safe to say the joke is over.

Today I was walking around the office and overheard the latest awful hit from this crybaby crooning across the speaker system. “Goodbye my lover, goodbye my frie–” I punch at the skip button and I am never so grateful for the rancid sound of Lifehouse. Now, to clarify, I am not a big Lifehouse fan, but hearing them honestly makes me want to dance.

Now before you hit the comment button and type something in his defense, have you seriously listened to the song You’re Beautiful? This song describes a girl he saw on a subway and apparently “shared a moment that will last till the end.” I am sure that when 16 year old girls listen to this song and see some super hot Blunt-like guy on a subway somewhere staring at their tits and call it a moment. But in all seriously, he just likes cleavage like most guys, sorry to break your heart.

I think that the song Goodbye My Lover would have to take the Worst-Song-In-The-Top-40-For-At-Least-The-Last-6-Times-Mitch-Has-Listened-To-Radio award. I would honestly rather watch Ashlee Simpson make a fool of herself on Saturday Night Life (big link, huh?) while having a cannibalistic midget perform fellatio on me then listen to this shit. As if it’s not bad enough that he has to sing, it’s even worse that he has to use this whining tone. I doubt he could sound any more like a crybaby if he tried, it makes me sick.

Go download the album from Napster, Bittorent, eMule, WinMX, Limewire or whatever downloading tool you use, just don’t buy it (I wouldn’t wish that kind of dissatisfying purchase on my worst enemy). Keep it in your C:MusicKill Myself Playlist folder, just in case you ever feel suicidal and ever need the push over the edge. Either that or you can just listen to it and tilt your hat to whatever marketing genius actually brainwashed people into listening to this shite. You choose.

Disclaimer: I hold no responsibility for James Blunt driving any reader of bananas on toast to suicide. I also do not condone this listening of such appalling music. Furthermore, I cannot be held accountable for any guys going sterile from the complete lack of quaility in this album, it’s just not my fault.

Update: Due to the fact I have better things to do with my time than argue with whiney James Blunt fans I have disabled commenting. I guess if you have something further to say on the matter you’ll have to start your own stupid website.

Amazon Marketing: 10/10

Clearly Amazon are spending their money in the right places when you get e-mail like this.

Mitchell Malone, Amazon.com has new recommendations for you based on 12 items you purchased or told us you own.

We recommend Just a Geek
by Wil Wheaton
http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/059600768X/ ref=pe_ar_A2DUBGPKKJKM__x1059600768X

List Price: $24.95
Price: $15.72
You Save: $9.23 (37%)

Looks normal right? I already have the book. Where did I buy it? Amazon. Good going Amazon!

3 Reasons to Query Your Telco Bill

Tonight I logged on to check my phone bill and noticed it was a bit large and went through some documentation I had here in hard copy. I found a bill saying that I had around $80 overdue on my account and figured that is why it was large and called my Telco (I won’t drom names) to say “whassup?!” It turns out that my charges were legitimate and I just use my phone to much, but the coolest thing happened afterwards.

The operator on the phone asked me politely, “may I take a few minutes of your time and ask your some questions about your service with [Telco]?”

This is where I am supposed to say that my capped plan is awesome and I love making phone calls and text I don’t have to pay for and laugh in the operators face. Instead I realize that the only thing I have to look forward to tonight is trying to code some PHP with a headache so I humor him. “Sure,” I say smoothly and prepare my replies for when he offers me shitty ways to “reduce my bill”.

“How would you like to pay $10 less per month, get another $300 worth of calls, get less expensive calls, be one of the first to try out the 3G network in Australia, AND get a new Nokia N70 phone?”

My wit escapes me and my replies all seem like discarded palm cards as I stutter, “what’s the catch?”

The operator laughs and cooly says, “the same catch we always have here at [Telco], you just have to sign for another 12 months!”

Now, for those of you who are uninitiated: I am a mobile-a-holic. Seriously. I text a lot, I talk a lot and I love the idea of being in touch with people and I use my phone for almost everything. So offering a free phone that has all the latest gadgets to a technophile and a mobile addict is like putting cake in front of a fat kid.

So, the three reasons to query your Telco:

  1. Cheaper shit
  2. New, free and cool phone
  3. I won indoor soccer

Clearly 3 has nothing to do with anything, but I had to put that in there. Take that you little 17 year old twats, we smashed your asses and I feel like such a hero in my own lunchbox!

Sincerely yours,
Signing off,

P.S. Rawk! m/

//www.flickr.com/people/bananasontoast/ on flickr.com

Nokia N70, originally uploaded by bananasontoast on flickr.com.

The Boondock Saints Family Prayer

And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri, et Fili, et Spiritus Sancti.

– Family Prayer, The Boondock Saints (1999)

Truly a great movie!

Coloring in…

So I’ve made some minor updates to the site, most of which are purely cosmetic. Firstly I have changed the color scheme slightly to give the pages a little more life – all the colors are now a lot brighter. I also added in a search feature to the right, along with archives to go back into past entries and some other links to make navigating past entries a lot easier.

I think one of the best things about designing websites is choosing the color scheme and adjusting it to perfection. Without a good color scheme the website will give a totally wrong feel and the site will constantly look out of shape. Generally speaking the mood I am usually sets what color I start off with, but the colors I choose to compliment it will always vary. Since my first ever website I have gone through several color schemes, most of which used a black base. Personally I think the color scheme I am on now is the best I have ever used.

//www.flickr.com/people/bananasontoast/ on flickr.com

Website Redesign, originally uploaded by bananasontoast on flickr.com. Click the image to see what the site looks like if you have a good resolution and/or a widescreen like mine!