James Blunt Sucks

Now don’t judge this entry before you read it, it’s actually about a very important subject: James Blunt really is the most pathetic artist to ever make a hit. Besides, I haven’t been this blatently horrible since I spoke about Big Brother, so I deserve this rant. How this whingey, whiney, piece of crap ever got signed is beyond me, but the fact that some people seem to think him crying about some kind of lost boyfriend is even more mind boggling.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while but my respect for other peoples musical tastes has held me back I’ve been too busy, however I can stay silent no longer. If this is some April fools joke that is brewing in the back of the mind of some musical talent agent (i.e. “Hahaha, I knew that I could make the world public actually listen to this tool!”), I think it’s safe to say the joke is over.

Today I was walking around the office and overheard the latest awful hit from this crybaby crooning across the speaker system. “Goodbye my lover, goodbye my frie–” I punch at the skip button and I am never so grateful for the rancid sound of Lifehouse. Now, to clarify, I am not a big Lifehouse fan, but hearing them honestly makes me want to dance.

Now before you hit the comment button and type something in his defense, have you seriously listened to the song You’re Beautiful? This song describes a girl he saw on a subway and apparently “shared a moment that will last till the end.” I am sure that when 16 year old girls listen to this song and see some super hot Blunt-like guy on a subway somewhere staring at their tits and call it a moment. But in all seriously, he just likes cleavage like most guys, sorry to break your heart.

I think that the song Goodbye My Lover would have to take the Worst-Song-In-The-Top-40-For-At-Least-The-Last-6-Times-Mitch-Has-Listened-To-Radio award. I would honestly rather watch Ashlee Simpson make a fool of herself on Saturday Night Life (big link, huh?) while having a cannibalistic midget perform fellatio on me then listen to this shit. As if it’s not bad enough that he has to sing, it’s even worse that he has to use this whining tone. I doubt he could sound any more like a crybaby if he tried, it makes me sick.

Go download the album from Napster, Bittorent, eMule, WinMX, Limewire or whatever downloading tool you use, just don’t buy it (I wouldn’t wish that kind of dissatisfying purchase on my worst enemy). Keep it in your C:MusicKill Myself Playlist folder, just in case you ever feel suicidal and ever need the push over the edge. Either that or you can just listen to it and tilt your hat to whatever marketing genius actually brainwashed people into listening to this shite. You choose.

Disclaimer: I hold no responsibility for James Blunt driving any reader of bananas on toast to suicide. I also do not condone this listening of such appalling music. Furthermore, I cannot be held accountable for any guys going sterile from the complete lack of quaility in this album, it’s just not my fault.

Update: Due to the fact I have better things to do with my time than argue with whiney James Blunt fans I have disabled commenting. I guess if you have something further to say on the matter you’ll have to start your own stupid website.